Spirit Blog

Tip 13When you sell uniforms, cleaning supplies and promotional products as long as we have, you collect all sorts of terrific advice from every corner of your seven-state service area.

So, rather than make good on dozens of court-ordered cash refunds, we're choosing the option known as "community service," which we're loosely interpreting as "sharing valuable information with all eleven people who read this blog."

Get out your scratch pads, 'cause here are a few of our favorite tips...

Tip #17: Never look a gift horse in the mouth. As a breed they produce an overabundance of phlegm, plus they're big spitters. You put 2 and 2 together.

Tip #31: When choosing a wife, try to get a look under her dress at least once to avoid a long list of possible surprises.

Tip #49: While often lucrative, safe-cracking is a profession with plenty of downside, such as the late hours and coming home every night smelling like safes. Consider a trade with a lower incidence of being shot by a security guard.

Tip #54: Resist the urge to taunt bulls, especially when your sport coat is splattered with red paint.

Tip #63: Sure, the popcorn at your local movie house is delicious, but don't eat too much. It's drenched with the government's mind control "butter."

Tip #77: Don't outfit your employees in today's modern swimwear. Branded uniforms from Spirit Services are less clingy and do a better job of concealing the telltale signs of arousal.

Tip #85: After walking face first into a spider web, don't flail your arms about wildly as if engaging in some sort of primitive web-removal dance. The spider and its friends will only laugh at you in that infuriating silent way that spiders do. Instead, internalize your rage, knowing that revenge is a dish best served cold with the business end of an old shoe.

We hope these Spirited tips serve you well and that they fulfill our legal obligation to the county. So long for now.



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