Spirit Blog

Say, could you use a few gags to pull on your chums this April Fool's Day? Then you're in the right place, Lucky.  

Get a load of the swell ideas in this special report. If you decide to try any of them, you may want to enlist the services of a skilled attorney first. Good luck. 

T-Shirt TechnologyIt takes courage and commitment to blaze new fashion trails, and the gals in the Spirit Services T-Shirt Laboratories have plenty of both.

Sure, it would be easier for them to settle for the current state of T-shirts, but they know that's not how you make a country great. That's not how you change lives.

"We don't do it for the glory," said Wanda Sploof. She's in charge of the department's welding and soldering. "We do it because America needs an ever-evolving selection of T-shirts and activewear, as surely as she needs railways and coal power and mom's apple pie."

Patriotism. It's the fire that burns white hot inside all who have dedicated their lives to the Spirit Services T-Shirt Laboratories.

So, the next time you buy a T-shirt, a tall T-shirt, a Polo shirt, or a tank top from the Spirit Services collection, take pride, knowing that your purchase is helping the USA maintain its status as the world's greatest T-shirt-buying nation.

Spirit Parking LotSummer's a-comin'. That means it's time to plan another family vacation.

Where will it be this year? The beach? The mountains? That beach in the mountains?

Why not pack up the wagon and head for the Spirit?

Yes, your group is sure to enjoy a tour of the Spirit Services headquarters, located in scenic Columbus, Ohio.

When you arrive at our handsome one-story building, you'll notice many impressive features, such as the flagpole and a real live tree. Gaze in awe at the two majestic water towers just beyond our campus. (Native lore has it that they once contained the seven ancient mysteries of life.)

The kids will love playing on our loading dock. And we'll tell them the story of our chain link fence that once protected The Alamo from the Nazis.

But that's just the beginning! Your tour continues inside where you'll see desks and chairs, telephones, file cabinets, a water cooler, and an array of workplace accessories, including actual pencils and staplers.

And don't forget about our gift shop, where you'll find a swell selection of T-shirts and activewear, windshirts, golf apparel and more.

Be sure to bring the camera! You'll want to capture your Spirited experience and then share the memories with your soon-to-be jealous neighbors.

Ask your favorite travel agent to arrange your trip and tour, and we'll see you and your family soon!


Pants festivalWe know you and your kind.

You're the type of fella and/or gal who likes to look good.

You also tend to be a bit confused about your true gender. While we certainly have no control over what you've got tucked away in your underthings, we can help you find a swell pair of pants to cover up whatever it is.

Whether you're at work or a neighborhood cook-out, a violent political rally or an awkward meeting with your pastor, a friendly card game or the local tavern trying to drink away the memory of your mother-in-law's hideous wheeze, a quilting bee swarming with actual bees or pulling up the floorboards of a nearby farmhouse because the smell from underneath is starting to affect area crops, you can trust that you'll look dandy in a pair of Dickies Industrial Cotton Flat Front Pants or RedKap Women's Pleated Relaxed Fit Work Pants from Spirit Services.

And there are plenty more pant-astic options where those came from. Check our online store right now, won't you?

Laughing is Fun1) February is the shortest month, but it's also the heaviest.

2) Seven out of ten people born in February have a unique characteristic, such as a fourth leg or the ability to transform into a dump truck in order to battle rival aliens.

3) The federal government reports that the month of February typically sees 3 to 6% fewer injuries related to buying golf apparel.

4) February is a Danish word meaning "too many Rs."

5) Valentine's Day, Presidents' Day and Groundhog Day all fall within February, but so do a few lesser-known holidays, such as National Bag Day and the ancient religious observance Wiping Cloth Wednesday. 

6) Salad was invented in the month of February.

7) Sometimes it may feel like February's "had it up to here with you," but it's just going through a rough patch right now and needs some time to think things through. It's sure that everything will be fine. You'll see.

8) It's well documented that outfitting your staff with handsome new corporate wear during the month of February improves your chances of getting into heaven.

9) Science tells us that if you were to set February on fire, the flame would burn a bright white. That's because of the month's high magnesium content.


Groundhog Meat


Tip 13When you sell uniforms, cleaning supplies and promotional products as long as we have, you collect all sorts of terrific advice from every corner of your seven-state service area.

So, rather than make good on dozens of court-ordered cash refunds, we're choosing the option known as "community service," which we're loosely interpreting as "sharing valuable information with all eleven people who read this blog."

Get out your scratch pads, 'cause here are a few of our favorite tips...

Tip #17: Never look a gift horse in the mouth. As a breed they produce an overabundance of phlegm, plus they're big spitters. You put 2 and 2 together.

Tip #31: When choosing a wife, try to get a look under her dress at least once to avoid a long list of possible surprises.

Tip #49: While often lucrative, safe-cracking is a profession with plenty of downside, such as the late hours and coming home every night smelling like safes. Consider a trade with a lower incidence of being shot by a security guard.

Tip #54: Resist the urge to taunt bulls, especially when your sport coat is splattered with red paint.

Tip #63: Sure, the popcorn at your local movie house is delicious, but don't eat too much. It's drenched with the government's mind control "butter."

Tip #77: Don't outfit your employees in today's modern swimwear. Branded uniforms from Spirit Services are less clingy and do a better job of concealing the telltale signs of arousal.

Tip #85: After walking face first into a spider web, don't flail your arms about wildly as if engaging in some sort of primitive web-removal dance. The spider and its friends will only laugh at you in that infuriating silent way that spiders do. Instead, internalize your rage, knowing that revenge is a dish best served cold with the business end of an old shoe.

We hope these Spirited tips serve you well and that they fulfill our legal obligation to the county. So long for now.



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